I Got Into a Near Fatal Accident When I Was a Child. I Can’t Stop Thinking About What My Parents Should’ve Done.

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Dear Pay Dirt, 

Just over 30 years ago, when I was a few months from my tenth birthday, I suffered a horrific and nearly fatal accident at my public elementary school. It was also preventable. Some exposed wires on a light pole on our playground had been poorly covered, allowing them to come loose again, and for me to accidentally touch them while playing. I received a substantial shock and lost consciousness, which thankfully broke the current when I fell back. I was, miraculously, absolutely fine. After a brief emergency room visit, I was sent home to be monitored and have since enjoyed a life of generally excellent health.

My problem concerns a decision that my parents made back then, primarily my then 29-year-old mother who was the functional parent. Several teachers, including my fourth-grade teacher who was the first to reach me after the accident, advised suing the school for all we could get. They had been warning the administration that this exact thing would happen for months, and even after my accident, the plate that had been covering the wires was once again duct-taped back on.

My mother, very young and inexperienced and mostly just happy to have her oldest daughter alive, eventually declined to sue. I—an elder millennial who has reached the onset of middle age with $100,000 in student loans and no hope of purchasing a house or let’s face it, retiring—think at least weekly about the huge pile of money that should have awaited me on my 18th birthday and the life of comfort I should be living. Seriously, why am I not rich? I know I should be grateful to be alive and healthy, but I wish I could have had some input in this life-changing decision. What can I do to move on from thinking about this?

—Unbreakable

Dear Unbreakable

I am so sorry that happened to you, especially since it was a preventable incident. But you shouldn’t breeze past the good news that you didn’t experience any long-term health effects so quickly. Holding onto that gratitude might do you a world of good here.

Sure, if your mom had gone down a different route you might be ultra-rich right now. But humor me while I poke some holes in your thinking. First, even if your parents had sued the school, there is no telling what amount you would have been awarded. You have no way of knowing whether that cash would’ve made you wealthy. Let’s say, for the sake of your hypothetical, your family was awarded a sizable amount. Who’s to say they would’ve saved all the money for you and not have spent it on your care (as the courts and potential trust allowed)? Your family likely faced many expenses in the years that followed (kids are expensive!) and could have potentially dipped into the cash. Plus, personal injury attorneys typically take a percentage of the settlement money as their fee, which would certainly have cut a bit into the imaginary pie.

Have you ever talked to your mom about the details of the incident? There could have been a chance your mom did visit a lawyer, and was advised not to pursue the case. Knowing some more information might provide you with peace of mind. Ultimately, though, my point is that this version of events you’ve created is a fantasy—and it’s not doing you any good.

There is no doubt that life is hard for many of us right now and many of us millennials feel like we have been dealt a bad hand. I understand the resentment you feel. Until I reached my mid-30s, I used to be very jealous of my peers who could afford to buy homes. I felt, at the time, that if my mom hadn’t died when I was in high school, I might’ve finished college sooner, would’ve gotten much further ahead financially, and would be in lockstep with the people reaching these milestones. But with time, I realized that while I can’t go back and change that tragedy and its ripple effects on my life, I can do whatever is in my power now to build the life I want. I firmly believe you can work through this, too with a therapist who can help you find ways to move past this. A mental health professional can help you strategize ways to not feel as stuck. Don’t let this hold you back for another 30 years.

Dear Pay Dirt,

I don’t consider myself sophisticated with finances. I have a checking account, a few savings accounts, and some retirement investments. I’d like to teach my children some financial skills, but I’m unsure how to start. For example, I set aside some money to buy my 16-year-old son a car. Luckily for him, a family member gave him an older car, so he hasn’t had to touch the money. Eventually, he’ll need to replace the vehicle, but in the meantime, I’d like for him to make the most of this money. He also has about $2,000 in savings from his job. I have advised him to keep at least $1,000 in savings in case he needs to repair his car, but I think this would be a great opportunity for him to experiment with investing. But I’ve never purchased a stock outside of my retirement funds. What’s the best way for a young person to learn about saving and investing?

—No Idea Where to Start

Dear No Idea Where to Start,

It’s great to hear that you want to set your son up for success! The younger you learn about investing and saving, the more you’ll have compound interest on your side. With more time, your money can make you more money, and that’s the whole point of investing.

While he is technically too young to own a brokerage account, he can open one with your assistance. You can open a custodial account for him that lets you invest money on his behalf. You can transfer ownership to him once he turns the eligible age in your state. If he has a job, then he also has some options to invest his earned income with your help. You might look for accounts built specifically for this sort of thing—for example, Fidelity offers a “youth account” that might be worth looking into.

For some additional reading, look through this Investopedia overview on investing for teens with your son and discuss it together. You two might also check out the book Personal Finance for Teens: Learn How to Budget, Save, & Live Debt-Free Empowering the Next Generation for Financial Success by Marie Jimenez.

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Dear Pay Dirt, 

My husband’s late parents set up a trust that made everything simpler when they passed away within a few months of each other. Now, we are looking at estate planning and are wondering if it would be better to set up a trust or just put transfer of death (TOD) paperwork on the bank accounts and the house title. Are there plusses or minuses for each path?

—Estate Planning Time

Dear Estate Planning, 

Choosing between trust and transfer of death (TOD) or pay on death (POD) paperwork depends on your assets and the number of people who stand to inherit them. A trust can provide deep and thorough instructions on what you want done with each asset. For example, your house. If one person stands to inherit it, a TOD may be a simple solution. But if the person who will inherit it is underage, you want to leave your home to multiple people, or someone currently resides there and will continue to live there after you’re gone, a trust can lay out very detailed and clear instructions on how you want others to move forward. You should talk to your estate planning lawyer on the specifics of your assets and they can help guide you. Ultimately, you want to allow your loved ones the space to grieve without having to worry about the separation of your assets.

—Athena

Classic Prudie

My house only has three bedrooms. One is my office. I work remotely. My sister just got out an abusive relationship and moved in with me. She shares the guest room with her 12-year-old daughter while her 20-year-old daughter sleeps in the upstairs den where my office is. I have never seen a more slovenly or selfish person in my life. My niece doesn’t work or go to school. The den is a disaster.