I stayed out of her business until it involved my old car.
Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Athena, Kristin, and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!)
Dear Pay Dirt,
My wife runs a successful small catering business. She only has four part-time employees. One is an older woman named “Lisa.” She is a lady whose life is nothing but hardship including having been physically abused by her ex, two adult sons that sponge off her, and suffering from cancer. My wife has a great heart and tried to help Lisa out, including giving her cash advances for work that Lisa never got around to doing. I stayed out of my wife’s business, literally and figuratively, until it involved my old college car.
It was a rust bucket but it ran. I kept it as a project and loaner car. Lisa didn’t have transportation, so my wife had the brilliant idea that Lisa could use it. Lisa wanted to do a $ 50-a-week payment plan, but I wasn’t going to deal with that headache. I agreed that if Lisa managed to save $800, I would sell her the car. I stupidly agreed that Lisa could drive it in the meantime. For six months, Lisa drove the car and skipped several days she was supposed to work for my wife. Lisa claimed she was too sick from treatments and had to fly out to visit her dying mother. All of this might be true, but I don’t really care. Lisa left my wife in a lurch and she had to pull double time to get her jobs done.
Anyway, the transmission finally gave out, and rather than dealing with this headache anymore. I sold it to a junk dealer despite Lisa swearing up and down that her sons would fix it. My wife is angry at me for this. I am exhausted with her, Lisa, and this entire debacle. I told my wife that Lisa had basically got a free car for half a year. If keeping the car was a priority, she would have saved the money, gotten rides from her sons, or done anything other than depend on unlimited generosity from us. Lisa on the surface seems like a perfectly nice lady, but I have never met someone so determined to shoot themselves in the foot and act like they didn’t have their finger on the trigger. She was using Ubers before and apparently had money for that. How do I get through to my wife?
—Car Troubles
Dear Car Troubles,
Going through hardships in life is no excuse to take advantage of someone’s kindness. It truly does sound like Lisa has been through a lot, though, so your wife’s impulse to be kind and giving to her makes complete sense. But it also sounds like Lisa and your wife do not have boundaries in their working relationship, which has blurred the lines a bit.
The car has been sold, so all that there’s really left to do is for you and your wife to hash this out and try to understand each other. I suggest you ask your wife to talk about what happened at a neutral place—go for a walk or grab a bite to eat. Start by acknowledging that you know she likely feels betrayed by you selling the car without consulting her. Her feelings are valid and it’ll help if she knows you’re not disregarding them. Then calmly, give her insight into why you did what you did. It wasn’t to be spiteful toward Lisa or knock her down. You (and it’s important to keep this about how you felt) simply felt taken advantage of by Lisa because she didn’t honor the initial agreement regarding the vehicle. As a consequence of her not honoring her agreement, you decided to sell the vehicle so that you could be done with it and move on instead of drawing out an uncomfortable situation.
Hopefully, your wife will be receptive to what you have to say. If you’re both new to enforcing consequences when people treat you poorly, I highly recommend the book Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, by Nedra Glover Tawwab. It’s been helpful both personally and professionally. Good luck.
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Dear Pay Dirt,
I’m reaching my 30s and I constantly feel like I’m behind because I haven’t quite figured out the whole credit card thing. All of my friends are always talking about booking trips and hotels with points from their cards… and I’m always left wondering how you even manage to do that. Right now I have two credit cards: one with my bank that offers cash back that I use toward my bill, and a store credit card where I often do my bigger home purchases (think department store like Target). I don’t have a travel credit card and would like one but there are so many options and articles, how does one even choose? Is it worth it to pay big annual fees (I’m talking ones over hundreds of dollars)? How does everyone not get choice paralysis here? Should I just pick one and hope for the best?
—Credit Card Newbie
Dear Newbie,
What you describe—scoring hotels, flights, etc. through rewards and points—is called travel hacking; you can easily get started (even without a new credit card). First, ask yourself what you want out of a new travel credit card. Companies offering these kinds of rewards programs occasionally prioritize rewards for specific travel costs, such as flights or hotel rooms. One card might offer more cash back for flights instead of hotels, and vice versa. So for now, I’d focus on the area you’d like to start hacking then look to see what credit card companies match your goals. (If you’re loyal to a particular airline or hotel brand, you might consider those options as well.) Keep an eye out for the rewards and perks they offer for new cardholders—you can often qualify for sign-up bonuses that help your points go even further. When comparing cards, make sure you’re looking at the interest rate (the lower the better) and annual fees.
Speaking of annual fees, there are a lot of credit cards that don’t charge one or will remove it if you call them and ask for it to be waived. If a credit card you want does have a fee, you don’t have to shy away from it but just make sure your rewards will cancel it out and then some. For example, it doesn’t make sense to pay a $200 fee if you’re only going to get $200 in annual rewards back. But, if you’re anticipating getting $1,000 in rewards back, paying the fee is worthwhile.
And here’s another idea that doesn’t require a new credit card at all: Sign up for loyalty programs offered by airlines and hotels themselves. I’ve been able to score free flights through Southwest and free rooms at the Marriott without signing up for a card. Ultimately, if you decide to go the travel card route, just make sure you have a plan to pay it off in full every month. You don’t want to take on excess debt just for a free flight.
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Dear Pay Dirt,
I was raised in a religion that taught us not to prepare for anything in the future because the end of the world was “right around the corner.” I’ve since left that situation, but now at the age of 50, I realize I have no savings. I have some credit card debt, which I’m chipping away at monthly with the income I have left after expenses. I have a full-time job but never enrolled in a 401(k) or anything like that, and now I feel like I’m too old to start. Any suggestions on what I can do to improve my situation and start to have something saved for later?
—Worried About the Future
Dear Worried About Your Future,
Good for you for leaving that situation. You can get caught up at age 50, it’s just going to take some creativity and dedication to get there.
If your employer matches your 401(k) contributions up to a certain percentage, start taking advantage of it immediately. And even if they don’t, you should still be contributing because you can potentially save money on taxes in the future. The IRS also allows those aged 50 and older to make catch-up contributions up to $7,500 for 2024, meaning you can invest $30,500 a year. You should also look into contributing to a Roth IRA. Similar to a 401(k), this type of investment account is used for retirement, but instead you contribute after-tax dollars. The yearly limit of money you can contribute to a Roth IRA for 2024 is $6,500, plus catch-up contributions allow for an additional $1,000.
Start thinking about what your living expenses for your retirement years might look like. By keeping your expenses lower, you’ll be able to live off of your retirement longer. Tighten your belt now so you have more to contribute to your savings in the coming years—so keep paying down that debt, cutting any subscriptions or services that aren’t necessary, and following a strict budget. Every dollar is going to count.
—Athena
Classic Prudie
Last year, I lent my brother an expensive piece of photography equipment. After a few months, his wife sold it on eBay; I didn’t find out about it until I asked for it back for a project. He apologized and said it was an accident (she thought the equipment was his). He offered to buy a replacement, but I said there was no need. Fast forward a year later, my brother asked me to borrow another piece of equipment, which I mailed to him at the beginning of the pandemic. This week I got a text from my brother asking if he could sell it on eBay and if he could keep the money.
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