Why Is Your Employer Asking You to Give Them Money?

When you go to work, you assume that you’re there to earn income—so it can be particularly galling when your workplace pressures you to part with your hard-earned cash. Yet being expected to open your wallet is surprisingly common in the workplace. From collections taken up for office baby showers to retirements to farewell gifts, workplace charity drives, and beyond, there’s seemingly a never-ending rotation of occasions designed to zap your paycheck.

Of course, when you work with other people, it’s natural to celebrate their life events. But when those festivities are accompanied by an expectation that colleagues will contribute their own money, they can add up to a significant financial burden. Even for people who can comfortably afford to give, the pressure to do so at work can feel awfully misplaced.

The absolute worst example of these sorts of requests is when you’re asked to chip in money to fund a gift for someone who earns far more than you do. Unbelievably, workers in this office were asked to fund their CEO’s family ski vacation:

This morning, I received this email from the second-in-command of my organization:

“Dear [staff],

Each year we have done a holiday gift for [CEO] to recognize his leadership during the year. Given the very busy holiday season, I’d like to start the ball rolling on the collection early this year in order to present him with his gift by December 18th at our annual retreat day. Please send your contribution to me and I will take care of the purchase, etc. Last year we presented him with a two night stay at [resort] mountain for him and his family to go skiing and they loved it, so why not repeat the appreciated gift?”

Please note that this CEO is the highest-paid person in the organization, and I am an hourly part-time employee being paid less than the industry standard. I am incredulous at the expectation here. The wording of the email implies that the staff has no choice.

That’s an especially egregious amount of chutzpah, but workers are frustrated with more routine requests for money too:

One of my co-workers at my old job took it upon herself to get someone a really expensive wedding gift (I think it was $400+) “from the team” without consulting the team, then sent us invoices for $75 each. I don’t know what everyone else did, but me and at least one other co-worker gave her $20 and called it a day. I suspect she ended up paying $200 to $300 out of pocket herself.

For my co-worker’s 20th work anniversary, we had planned a lunch with him at a relatively pricey place, then another co-worker suggested we also each chip in $20 to get him a gift card—none of which was paid for or reimbursed by the company. I went to the lunch, but I didn’t contribute to the gift card, which I’m sure made me look like an asshole since I think I’m the only one who didn’t—but, frankly, he doesn’t work for me! It’s not my responsibility to thank him for working for someone else, especially if that means paying a total of $50 out of my pocket for the whole celebration when combined with how much lunch cost me.

I got an email yesterday from a co-worker saying she’d like to start a Sunshine Club and we can donate $5/week, which she will hold on to for quarterly outings. Most of the outings are drinking, and I’m really not interested in attending. How do I politely say no without looking like a party pooper?

We also contribute $5 for each person’s birthday, and the cash is given to the birthday person. There are about 15 people who contribute, but I’d like to get out of this too. I’ve been doing this for six years, and if I stop before someone’s birthday, it’s going to look as if I don’t like that person or they’ll say, “I gave to her—why didn’t she contribute to mine?” Sticky situations.

Irritatingly, these requests are often framed as “optional,” but the amount of pressure attached to them makes workers worry that they’re something closer to mandatory. For example:

Recently, two of my colleagues both gave monthlong notices. After the news was announced, our boss threw a small party that we all attended. Our organization ordered food and a cake, and they were presented with gifts.

It has now been a week since the party, and my colleagues and I have received three separate emails from our boss’s secretary, each one firmer than the last, asking us to contribute toward the cost of these gifts:

Email 1: “Dear Staff—We have bought our colleagues two beautiful goodbye gifts. If you would like to contribute toward their gifts, please bring me whatever amount you would like to donate. Thank you.”

Email 2: “Dear Staff—It is completely voluntary, but if you are able to contribute toward the gifts for Jane and Fergus, it would be most appreciated. If you are going to participate, please bring your contribution to me. The amount is up to you. Thank you.”

Email 3: “Dear Staff—I haven’t heard from you regarding the gifts we bought for Jane and Fergus. Boss is paying out of her own pocket whatever isn’t contributed by the staff. With the cost of the engraved plaques, the cost is $200. We don’t want the entire burden to be on Boss. Please try to contribute something—anything will be helpful.”

The first email was sent to the whole staff, but the second and third emails were sent to just a handful of us—the ones who did not contribute—and not via bcc. Like a public shaming!

I firmly believe that it is not my place to have to pay for a gift on behalf of my company. These were not my employees. I was not their manager. They were my colleagues, and I enjoyed working with them and getting to know them, but it was not my decision to give them gifts, and I do not believe I should have to contribute. I didn’t choose the gifts, they are not what I would have chosen if I did (I actually took my colleagues out to lunch separately to say goodbye), and I find the whole thing really upsetting.

As that worker points out, companies that want to provide gifts for retirements or other life occasions should do so with their own funds, not pressure employees to foot the bill (let alone spring it on them after the fact, as happened here).

One particularly aggravating brand of these requests is unique to nonprofit organizations, at which employees are sometimes pressured to donate part of their paycheck back to the organization that issued it:

I am a director of a midsize nonprofit. … Recently, the CEO rolled out the “opportunity” for employees to donate a percentage of their paycheck back to the organization, via a letter talking about what an honor it should be to support the organization in this way and assuring everyone that it would not affect their job in any way if they chose not to. She asked us to forward it to our reports. I did forward the email once, without comment, to my team. Meanwhile, I was feeling a lot of pressure to contribute, so I selected a small amount to be deducted from each paycheck.

I do support and believe in our mission and do give back in a number of ways. I am very fairly compensated in my role, but we have a lot of entry-level workers who don’t make a ton of money. I do not feel right asking them this or even reminding them. I sent it out once, and that’s all I am going to do. The CEO has sent another email asking us to tell our team that we are contributing and that they should too. This whole thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Employers need to be much more thoughtful about the ways they ask employees to spend their own money at work. Ideally, the company should be funding gifts for employees’ life events if they consider it important to their culture to mark those passages. Beyond that, it’s crucial to ensure that “optional” donations don’t end up feeling expected or required. This means that any collection for money needs to fully opt in, not opt out—that is, you might present an opportunity to help fund something by sending a single group email, but you shouldn’t send repeated emails, stop by people’s desks, or report on who gave what. That’s too much pressure in a context where people will naturally start worrying that they’re expected or obligated to participate.

On the worker side, we should all get comfortable ignoring donation drives we don’t want to participate in or using language like “It’s not in my budget right now.”

Of course, realistically, if your workplace culture is like some of the examples above, sometimes it’s easier to just decide that paying $5 is the price you pay to work there—but having a job shouldn’t come with a price tag. Especially not one the size of your boss’s ski vacation.