Imagine, if you will, that your boyfriend and parents have been financially supporting you for the last two years of your life. While you’re at school, the “love of your life” is out working 50 hour weeks. While your doing shots with friends instead of studying, your 63 year old parents both work seconds jobs to pay for your apartment. While you’re out doing molly and spending the money your parents gave you for books on concert tickets for you and the “guy who is just a friend,” your dad nearly has a stroke from the stress. And while you’re out shit talking your boyfriend because he has the nerve to cry in front of you, your boyfriend is mourning the loss of his brother.
If this sounds like you. Well, congratulations! Your life is about to change DRASTICALLY!
Let me inform you of what will happen today. At noon when you decide to roll out of bed, I’ll be long gone. In fact, you will never be seeing me again! You may be confused. Simply locate the envelope on the counter which will contain all the text logs of you mocking me while I mourned my brother death, along with the nudes that you and your “just a friend” were sharing! Under those will be the bills I’ve been ignoring. The water and electric will both be shut off next week, a reminder that they’re in your name, so I would look into that. Also included is the email I have sent to all the professors of classes you cheated in last semester, along with the write up and evidence I sent to the academic comity that oversees student dishonesty. You may be worried about attending uni next semester at this point. Don’t worry! Because the account you use to fund that was emptied out yesterday!
Now, you may be wondering what you should do now that I’m gone? Seeing as I’ve been responsible for literally everything up till this point, your first instinct may be to call daddy. I would recommend against that. At 10:30 an automated text will be delivered from me to your mom and dad informing them of how you’ve actually been spending the money they give you. At this point, you may still be thinking you can slither your way out of this. Don’t worry! The texts of you drunkenly confessing to being the one who broke into your grandmothers house hours after she was rushed to the hospital to steal the jewelry will also be sent, to, every, single, family, members, number, I, have, access, to.
You may be worried, upset, concerned, and many other feelings a woman who’s life is about to crash down on top of her would feel. You should. Your life is about to get a WHOLE lot harder starting today.
Good luck!
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